"He's not their father and wasn't in their lives when mom was alive." Half-siblings reach out to estranged brother to tell him to cut off contact with his father, brother refuses

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 14, 2025 12:00 AM EST

The famous opening line of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina is, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." You see a lot of different kinds of family stories if you're scouring the internet like we are here. Parents who stepped up, parents who stepped out. Children with allegiances to parents other people wouldn't understand. There's only so much you can say in a Reddit post to create a full image of your family situation. And yet, people do it every day, trying to glean any understanding of their predicament from the anonymous advice of fellow Redditors. A shout to the void, a call to the abyss. "Can anyone hear me?" "Does anyone relate?" More often than not, people do, and they have a lot to say about it.

Take this story, for example, where OP's uniquely strained family situation comes to a head when his half-siblings try to connect with him after their mother's passing. Estranged from his half-siblings at a young age, OP spent his upbringing with his father. When his half-siblings reach out to him with the intent of pulling him away from his father, he has to grapple with their life story as well as his own. Do you agree with his decision?


 

Advertisement
  • 01
    T
    via David Fanuel
  • 02
    AITA for telling my half siblings I won't drop my dad for them? When I (24m) was 7 my mom died. I had two younger half siblings who were 4 and 3 at the time. They had different dad's. The older of my two half siblings was born as the result of an affair mom had while she was married to dad. He found out about the affair before mom gave birth and got a DNA test so he didn't have to be responsible for the baby. He had to do the same again because mom got pregnant again before the divorce was final
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 03
    When mom did I went to live with dad and they were separated from each other and placed apart. I never saw them for the rest of our childhoods. But eventually, as I learned, our mom's family were found and took them both in. They had no idea we existed.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 04
    They reached out to me last year. We talked some. They told me about mom's family. They asked about my life. It was going okay between us for a while. But then they started to tell me my dad was an a h le and how dare he let them go into foster care, how he was responsible for separating us and they told me I shouldn't have anything more to do with him. They didn't like that I was close with my dad. I said we needed to drop that line of conversation but they wouldn't. They said he should never h
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 05
    I tried to keep building a relationship with them but when they gave me an ultimatum I told them I won't drop dad for them. They said hand think about what a I should disgusting POS I was standing by. AITA?
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 06

    Redditors came in a little hot in the comments

    NTA. Why are you even asking? Perhaps if your half-siblings are cheated on, they will understand better. Their situation is the responsibility of their mother and her affair partners, not your dad.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 07
    They should be investing that energy into finding their own POS deadbeat father who abandoned them while their mother was alive. Your father is in no way related to them and owes them absolutely nothing NTAH
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 08
    They are not your dad's kids. Could your dad have taken them? Sure. Did your dad want to take care of them? No. And it is very much okay to do that. I wouldn't want to do it either. They will just be a painful reminder that my partner cheated on me. You are NTA for standing up for your dad.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 09

    Some sage words from one Redditor

    You're not the AH your dad stepped up - for you and didn't owe anything to your half-siblings. Their pain is valid, but it doesn't justify trying to guilt you into turning against someone who was there for you.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 10
    NTA I understand why your father didn't take them in and I can't blame him. Have they tried looking for THEIR fathers?
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 11

    A Real Funny Guy appears....

    You are an absolute a hole. How dare you... Checks notes Made your mom have an affair at 3 years old and...again at 4! I cant believe you made your mom cheat and then you let her di ?? What kind of monster are you! Then to have the audacity to let your dad take you and not the affair babies. Completely unjust! If you couldn't gather. NTA. They need to he angry at the people that caused the issue.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 12
    Nta go no contact, I'm sorry for the hurt they had but it isn't your father's fault your mom decided to have children with men who didn't want to take care of their children. You aren't going to win the argument tho and it's toxic to try
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 13
    ΝΤΑ Best thing for your own mental health and peace going forward would be to cut them off completely. Better to do so now. Your dad deserves your thanks & loyalty. Dont throw away that relationship for your dysfunctional half siblings. Pretty obvious you were better off growing up away from your mother's family & their deeply entrenched dysfunction.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 14
    No, you are definitely NTA (Not the Ah le) in this situation. It's important to educate people about different languages and their cultural nuances instead of jumping to conclusions and accusations. And it sounds like your SIL could use some anger management classes.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 15
    Your father is not their fathers. He doesn't owe them anything. I'm sorry that they were separated and had a hard time in foster care, but they need to confront their mother and fathers about that. ΝΤΑ
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 16
    NTA. Your father had no obligation to raise them. It's not your fault or his. Your mom made her choice, and she didn't. have a LEGAL plan for the 3 of you to keep you together if anything were to happen to her.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 17
    NTA. I'm sorry they had such an awful time in foster care. But, they had no relationship with your father when your mom died. They would have been a constant reminder of your mom's cheating. The real AHs in this are your mom for cheating and the deadbeat fathers who should have raised them.
    via Upbeat_Rain8423
  • 18
    Seems like they're projecting, because where are those same feelings for their of a dad? He deadbeat abandoned them.. Where's the outrage over that? Tell them to keep that same energy! Edit to add: NTA.. f'ck those kids (i know you're all adults but it's fun to say LOL)
    via Upbeat_Rain8423

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama AITAH toxic fatherhood siblings reddit story Reddit Father
Scroll Down For The Next Article